I clung to it so hard.
Scotty Trigg

Behind The Burger: The Sad Reality of Ronald McDonald

Posted By: on May 21, 2010
122

Ronald McDonald has long been an admired figure. Kids the world over brighten up when they see the affable clown, with his unmistakable red hair, yellow jumpsuit and striped shirt. They know upon spotting him that a chicken nuggie Happy Meal (replete with toy) is not too far in the future. But little does anyone know the true and sad story behind the clown. Don’t be fooled by that big bright red smile…there are tears underneath. Wipe away the makeup and you’ll find something not so pretty.

It all started out so innocent. He was quite the gentleman…just lounging in the park.

He was respectful to the police.

He helped the elderly.

But then people started to treat him as an idol. They even knelt before him. This quickly got to his head.

Women began coming on to him…at first in was seemingly innocent. A kiss on the cheek here and there.

Shortly things got out of control. He began drinking.

His health deteriorated and for one stretch he even lost his hair.

He started harassing women.

He began soliciting masseuses that offered “happy endings.”

He quickly realized the power he had over women and how easily he could get what he wanted from them.

His appetite for sex escalated and he quickly became addicted.

He particularity enjoyed receiving “head”.

He was not one to turn down a regular romp…

…but also would venture to the more extreme.

Women were not enough and he was soon spotted with men.

…and eventually turned to pedophilia.

After all his sexcapades, his mental well-being and general health declined. He was seen homeless at times.

The long arm of the law had to pick him up on occasion. Usually drunk and in a stupor. Sometimes passed out in a park.

His last resort was to turn his internal pain and suffering to rage…but he ended up attacking the wrong person….

…a man with connections. He was held at gun point…his life flashed before his eyes…and for that last moment he realized the mistake in his ways. How far he’d veered from his good ol’ days…

…but it was too late. In a hail of gun fire he was taken out…by none other than Jack himself.

And that is the sad sad tale behind the once respected and loved clown of the Golden Arches. Let this be a lesson to you kids. Don’t take the route that Ronald did. Behave yourself, mind your manners and be a good citizen. In the long run you’ll be better off (even if you have a shitty job).

122 Responses to “Behind The Burger: The Sad Reality of Ronald McDonald”

  1. Laura Love says:

    Funny story! Reminds me of Everyday Life of Darth Vader only more tragic.

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  2. Jo Dean says:

    WOw, that is truly amazing. Go figure!

    Lou

  3. G says:

    It looks like Ronald M got Jacked off ( < :

  4. Jay Philips says:

    Wow, what a story.

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  6. Emily says:

    hahahahhahah fkng awesome!!!

  7. John says:

    Good job, Scotty! many lols and I thank you!

  8. Check_this_short_fil says:

    There's an award-winning short film featuring a mad Ronald McDonald in the middle of a hold-up.

    The film is called LOGORAMA and can be watched at http://theflickcast.com/2010/03/10/watch-the-acad

    Enjoy!

  9. Atom H says:

    Best have seen in months. LOL

  10. Curtis says:

    That was absolutely awesome!

  11. Necro says:

    After his death he come's alive again as a zombie cannibal: http://img707.imageshack.us/img707/29/ronaldk.jpg

  12. Zachariah Granville says:

    Great post, I loved it!

  13. RaGeDZai says:

    LOL!

    i'll never see him the same way!

  14. arczi says:

    Bum is the best

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  16. Israel Vazquez says:

    It gives me great sadness to let my fans know that I'm going to be retiring from the sport that I loved so much for more than 15 years now. There is a time that I need to let go, to think of my family, of my health, and of my future. I've worked hard not only for myself, but for my family, and my fans, especially my Mexican fans. So, with this final goodbye, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to hang up the gloves. I don't know what my future holds for me as I am still in my early 30s, but maybe I'll spend my time and talents raising up younger fighters. Thank you very much to all of my fans and God Bless!

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  17. Dias says:

    good pictures and funny I liked it

  18. yvens augute says:

    wow they pictures is really funnyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  19. Sonja says:

    I loved it . It was good thing to read and get away from other things I have been thinging about.

  20. *** L M A O ***

    This is just too funny!

    The question is thouhg, how long did it take you to find all these pics?

  21. Millenion says:

    LOL jack shot him

  22. Charlie says:

    I was expecting the pic where ronald is eating someone at the end.

  23. Inez Deborah Emilia says:

    The Proverbs already warn the King against women

  24. Darryl R says:

    Lest we not forget his long time girlfriend Wendy whom he caught in bed one night with his arch nemesis, The King, which also probably contributed to his demise: http://grantmichaels.posterous.com/mcromancebytpo

  25. seejo says:

    good way oflooking at everyday life of Ronald am sure something very close to this would have happenned.

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  26. Dias says:

    there was just this funny ha …… ha ……… ha …..

  27. James says:

    lmfao, great story! Really enjoyed it

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