It’s late at night, you’ve managed to make it to the supermarket but now the dreaded moment is upon you where you must make a choice between delicious Cheez-It crackers or a bag of Mesquite Kettle Chips…how can one possibly make a decision between the two? Well we here at Top Cultured have taken the guess work out of it for you. Follow this flowchart to tastebud and stomach bliss. If you’re in the mood for pizza delivered by Jesus himself, check this out.
You may also enjoy our other flowcharts:
Fast Food
Cereal
Chain Restaurant
Beer
Freezer Aisle
Candy
Produce Aisle
Soda
Vending Machine
Food Court
[click image to view full size]
So if I was Jewish I could eat only matzo crackers? Hold on a second while I check the Torah…
Holy shit I need to go shopping right goddamn now.
A chum recommended me to read this page, nice post, fanstatic read… keep up the good work!
“Would you like a some chips” [sic]
I require better proofreading from my snack advisor.
MMMM, tastykakes herrs and utz, I feel bad for the unfortunate soulds who will never know the joy that is a tasyclair or herrs chips
Swiss Cake Rolls > ALL
Brought to you by your friends at Transfats and High-Fructose Corn Syrup, Inc.
Honestly, you should probably get the hell out of the snack food aisle. It works slowly…but everything there is a killer. Processed food sucks!
Was that Sarah Witting reference way too obscure or am I just ignorant? It required a google trip for me.
I’m sorry; you’re right. I once took a single bite out of a Twinky, and before I could even swallow, BOOM!! heart attack, right on the spot. They barely resuscitated me – I believe it involved the Heimlich maneuver and an intravenous injection of celery extract.
Do you drive (or ride in) a car? Do you go swimming on public beaches or pools? Do you breathe city air? Do you go outside without a full hazmat suit? Then you’re already accepting a certain amount of “unhealthiness” in your life. Yes, if I avoided chocolate chip cookies, beer jerky, and other “processed foods” altogether, I could probably extend my average life expectancy by 48 hours. But you know what? I’d rather enjoy life than spend it in terror or taking in a single gram of evil trans fats. Call it a personal quirk. =P