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Daniel Joseph

University of Michigan has a Strict Masturbation Policy

Posted By: on November 29, 2009

I get that the pipes aren’t meant to hold semen, I just wonder what else is included in the semen-related costs at University of Michigan…

By the way, these guys were probably responsible for most of it.

semen related costs

41 Responses to “University of Michigan has a Strict Masturbation Policy”

  1. heatherrr. says:


    michigan state is THE university of michigan

  2. obvious says:

    I didn't realize that when girls masturbate that there is semen.

    Sounds like we have a discrimination case on our hands (and a lack of semen).

    Let it be known that semen related cost are much more for the guy that gets a girl pregnant because he wasn't allowed to relieve that type of stress in the shower, so he had to go bang the nearest dorm slut.

  3. kt says:

    this is fake. honor code violation??

  4. niceguyted says:

    What the school doesn't mention (probably because there's not room on the flyer) is that the special pipes required to handle semen are much more expensive than the special semen-friendly carpet and paint on the floors and walls of the dorm rooms. Ceiling tiles are cheap (and also handle spunk well), so there's no point in asking about those.

  5. Wolverine says:

    Either these signs are real or the people putting them up are persistent, because I remember a sign like this in the showers back in 2003 in East Quad.

  6. bentley says:

    This is just a direct rip off of this from my school:
    scroll to the bottom and you will see it. this was done last year by a student who put it up in the dorms.

  7. Jason says:

    I've seen this poster with a bunch of different colleges pasted onto it. As much as I want it to be true, I'm calling foul photoshop.

  8. Jason says:

    And State is THE university of Michigan… of farming.

  9. Gassy Andy says:

    If Mr. Bush had been masturbating there may not have been a war in Iraq!

  10. antoniseb says:

    I could kind of imagine that they are calling an extra five or ten minutes of hot water for an extended shower as a "semen related cost". This is a little dishonest, but I imagine that they just didn't want to come right out and say please don't waste so much hot water by masturbating in the shower.

  11. Nikhil Patel says:

    scew michigan state. people only go to michigan state because they are not smart enough to get into mich.

  12. Is co-ed sex in the showers still okay?

  13. lsiebert says:

    This is fake. We got these put up in some of the bathrooms at my college too, with slightly different wording.

  14. GoGreen says:

    We don't need those signs at Michigan state because we're too busy getting laid to jack it in the shower. Either that or the pipes here were built with that already in mind.

  15. drivenbyfate says:

    yea we had the same sort of thing posted in our dorm bathrooms also

  16. Template says:

    This is just a template used at many colleges and Universities. It isn't real, although still funny. Some random college student posted this on the wall somewhere to be funny.

    p.s. a person at the college i attended got expelled for putting this sign up because it was an unauthorized use of the college's seal.

  17. Michael Hearne says:

    About 15 years ago, I received a notice from my apartment manager asking residents not to flush condoms. It seems that they would clog up the clean-outs and get stuck in the joints along the line. It was real, but not nearly as funny as the U of M poster shown above.

  18. Pam says:

    PHOTOSHOPPED! Look at the logo and the awful paste job.


  19. jack says:

    heather….ur a dumbass

  20. asdf says:

    Maybe the pipes should be — you'd think that by now UM would be on notice

  21. Simon Barsinister says:

    I tend to think that for something to become a rule, there must have been a big problem at some point to warrent a policy change.

  22. A says:

    This is what happens with community bathrooms……..

  23. tyla says:

    If the pipes can take blood and blood clots from the girls it can take semen….FAKE

  24. Great website! I cannot remember too clearly but I think I found your blog through a link someone shared on Twitter. . I actually fancy the stuff I have read on your website and plan to keep reading when I find more time. Do you have a Twitter account?

  25. Trisha says:

    You are such fricking idiots. It's PHOTOSHOP you morons! Obviously you don't know the difference between real and fake.

  26. Go Blue says:

    heatherrr is a F*CKING idiot. Everyone knows Moo U. is where the losers go who couldn't get into Michigan!

  27. Estrella Lai says:

    This page is very helpful for me to choose the viable product.

  28. Igre says:

    That's right you must Masturbate in your own room not in the public places.

  29. Igrice says:

    Stop masturbating in public. Its unethical moves.

  30. lol, i like how it tells you where to masturbate

  31. Nikola Tesla says:

    hahaha, this is great!!! is this true or joke?

  32. Poruke says:

    How do you mean? of course it is truth! :)))

  33. common, this is fake… it is obvious :)))

  34. Suri Cruise says:

    THIS IS SO COOL! Guys, please masturbate in your own rooms! :)

  35. nomnom says:


  36. This is a fascinating post. I have owned a business in the renewable energy industry for about 12 years and it is absolutely insane how fast the industry is progressing. For the majority of us this is a really invigorating time of history so let's hope stay on the pace.

  37. LOL. it was a couple of years ago there, not anymore…

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