WEEK 2:

So last week I began my peregrination to master the popular guide to sexually accosting voluntary women otherwise known as “dating,” Rules of the Game.  If you need to catch up on my progress check it out Here on the ever illustrious TopCultured.com (tell your friends and if you don’t have friends shout it to random people on the street, don’t worry you won’t look crazy, just awesome).

After being subjected to my roommate’s tales of quisquilious mercurial frottage this weekend I was seething mad with vorant desire for sexual gratification (Translation: He got laid, I didn’t). With the weekend behind me like fame to Nicole Ritchie I had a new solidified resolve to finally meet “the one…” who would sleep with me.

“It’s the second most stolen book in the United States right after the Bible” said Neil Strauss in reference to his book Rules of the Game on the popular radio show Toucher and Rich in Boston.  This obviously piqued my interest. The book is billed as the be all, end all guide to picking up women and it’s written by Neil Strauss who wrote such kick ass biographies as “Dirt” about Motley Crue and “How To Make Love Like A Porn Star”  about Jenna Jameson.

I’m a lonely, lonely man and my pick up technique of telling girls I’m “the bassist from the band Ace of Bass, and that’s right I am the ace,” wasn’t working (probably because Ace of Base didn’t actually have a bassist).  Rules of the Game is designed like a textbook for picking up women with daily lessons and lasts 30 days so I decided to take the challenge and chronicle my experience. Here’s what happened:

DAY 1:

We start our adventure by assessing ourselves with several questions.

Q: Describe how you think people see you?

A: Probably with their eyes, I believe it involves light refraction and such. Unless they’re blind then well… I guess they’d make easy victims. Actually, most people see me as a funny guy with no broads.

Q: Describe how you want people to see you?

A: Through telescopes looking up at me in my sky castle! Bwa ha ha ha! Okay how about as a funny guy with tons of broads.

Q:  Identify 3 behaviors you want to change.

A:  Not getting laid, not getting any vagina, and being without access to vagina.

Q:  3 Characteristics you’d like to adopt.

A:  Kicking Bill Engvall in the nuts, having movie star good looks, and receiving more free tacos.

The next section is a list of “limiting beliefs” that hold you back.  “People aren’t judging you, actually they desire your approval as much as you desire theirs.” I guess this means I should begin each conversation with women by yelling the reminder “You demand my approval!”  Here’s another one, “Just ask women what they want.”  I guess this implies that all women are inherently prostitutes who charge different rates and enjoy being propositioned with phrases like “How much?”

Alright let’s move on to the “Small Talk” section. The book gives several examples to use with fill in the blanks to customize them for every situation you’ll ever run into.

Current Events: Did you hear that —— ?  What will they think of next!

Here’s what I used, think of your own, don’t steal mine.

Did you hear that ducks are rape proof? What will they think of next!

Entertainment: Did you see the new —— movie yet? I heard it was good.

Mine: Did you see the new rape fantasy porno yet? I heard it was good.

So, I was sent a bottle of ckfree, the new men’s fragrence from Calvin Klein and I gotta say, it’s pretty nice. So I decided to test it out. On Monday, I went through my day without wearing ckfree and on Tuesday I did all the same things, except with a couple sprays of the cologne. Here are the results:

Monday: Absolutely no girls came up and talked to me or mentioned anything about the way I smell (which can be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on how you look at it).

Tuesday: Exactly 1 girl mentioned that I smell nice, and, if i had the balls to go along with the ckfree, I would have continued talking to her.

So, what can be learned from this little experiment? Well, that’s easy… Wearing ckfree can get you 100% more chicks than not wearing ckfree.

The best part is that the nice folks at Calvin Klein are letting me give away 4 bottles of ckfree to TopCultured readers. All you’ve got to do is caption this photo and you’ll be entered to win, easy peasy!

Marriage isn’t for everyone, but if its for you, you may want to read up a bit. If I’ve learned anything in life, it’s that you can always believe what you read on a sign. So go on, read, and learn a little before you jump the broom. Here are 14 lessons signs have taught us about wives. Oh, and if you need help winding a wife… boom!

1. As your number of anniversaries go up, opportunities for sex go down

A public marriage proposal can be a nice gesture. It shows the other person that you are vulnerable, confident, and extremely happy to be with them. The use of signs in your proposal can be an interesting way to pop the question (as seen here). Unfortunately for Jennifer, things didn’t go so well.

Girlfriends are cool… kinda, I mean, they aren’t uncool, but it could be better. Take this little note for example… It’s not that you have to do it, but it would be nice!

I know, I know, it’s not right to hit a woman… Unless of course she’s trying to kill you or make you watch the Sex and the City movie. If that’s the case, there’s only one way to take her out, and here it is…

Valentine’s Day is a time to remember your loved ones and acknowledge them through the giving of gifts, flowers, chocolates, and cards. Or, in this case, remind them of certain consequences…

Ahh… the friend zone. It’s pretty much nowhere near where you want to be with any girl you actually like. Being in the friend zone can keep you from the love of your life or at least from possibly some of the best sex you’ve ever had. Here’s a handy chart that shows you exactly where the friend zone is… so you can avoid it.

We’ve all received some sort of relationship advice, and a lot of it comes on the eve of a first date or meeting for the first time… It’s common to hear things like: be yourself, be polite and conversational, don’t tell her about your Star Wars collection. Well finally, researchers have found out what really gets the girl.