I am just going to cut to the chase.  Who the hell would beat who’s ass if they were ever in a heated altercation. Ronald McDonald (“The Clown”) or The Burger King (“The King”). Tough one – I know, right?

VS.

For those lucky enough to have seen Spike Tv’s Dealiest Warrior, go and watch another episode because this is not going to be anywhere near as cool.  Or even accurate for that matter. Will it be kinda sorta fun though? Hell yeah!

Inspired by the aforementioned Deadliest Warrior, we will basically we will pit McDonald’s “creepy clown in hooker makeup” mascot, against the “almost creepier but in a less pedophilic way” mascot of Burger King.

The battle will be arbitrarily judged based on the following four key elements:

1. Short Range Weapons
2. Mid Range Weapons
3. Long Range Weapons
4. Signature Weapon Range

In lieu of actual, harmful, and diabolically constructed weapons, we will be arming the mascots with, what else?, their own menu items. And better yet, this creepy little contest will not take into consideration the taste of any of their arsenal, better yet, the winner for each round will be decided strictly using the health quantification figure CALORIES!!! The higher the chance of a heart attack, the greater chance they stand on the field of battle. *Lightning strikes and a defenseless young virgin screams*

Place your bets now…

This might be one of the better things you can do with the sour fruit. What are your other options? Lemonade of course, but that is just so typical. You could make a lemon tart, but those never come out right. Squeezed in your iced tea is an okay option…better yet over your King crab legs. I think I’m going to turn my entire fruit basket into little Stewies. Here is some enternal wisdom from the wee devil:

It wasn’t even about the eggs, really. Frankly, I like the yolks. I have no problem. There’s always been a lot of tension between Lois and me. And it’s not so much that I want to kill her, it’s just, I want her not to be alive anymore. I sometimes wonder if all women are this difficult. And then I think to myself, ‘My God wouldn’t it be marvelous if i turned out to be a homosexual?’ – Stewie Griffin

I know what I’ll be bringing to the next office party…Star Wars shaped cookies. These are actually sold by Williams-Sonoma (for $19.95) believe it or not. There are four shapes in the pack: Darth Vader, Yoda, Boba Fett and a Stormtrooper.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, a Jedi master chef used the Force to create dynamic gear for the kitchen. These amazing tools, known as “cookie cutters,” had the power to transform ordinary cookie dough into a delectable cast of galactic characters.

I wonder if my piping skills can match these here. That would be so bad ass to whip up a batch of these.

This past Saturday two nemesaries squared off in a gastronomical challenge for the ages. On one side there was the ever feared Red Beard, standing at 6’3″ and weighing in at a measly 350 lbs. On the other side we have the snappy Flaco Libre standing a mere 6’0″ and weighing in at a lofty 128 lbs. There could not be another diametrically opposed duo to battle it out at the table than these two.

After much smack talk back and forth between the contestants about who could eat more (obviously everyone and their mother would give odds to Red Beard), they came to the conclusion that pizza would be the most enjoyable to them. The challenge would be held at the wonderful Ledo Pizza in Seabrook.

The folks at Ledo Pizza advocated this tremendous event by offering to supply the brave with two large pizzas to tackle in under one hour. The pizzas would each have 2 toppings…their choices…Red Beard went with double pepperoni on both (cooked crisp)…whice Flaco Libre attempted to be more tactical in his approach, he divided his in half going with a 1/2 Hawaiian, 1/2 chicken & onion and the other 1/2 sausage & mushroom, 1/2 pepperoni & olive.

The pizzas came out piping hot and delicious. The battle was to commence. The two gave each other a nod and dug in. Within the first 15 minutes the two were neck and neck and going strong. They occasionally would give a verbal jab here and there showing their confidence. Which would come out on top?

With Spain (and Paolo the Octupus) winning the FIFA World Cup this past weekend, soccer is at an all-time high in the United States. Whether you know it or not it is actually the #1 team sport practiced by the youth of our nation. With school out and summer in full swing (especially in the Northeast), kids of all ages will be participating in their summer soccer leagues.

I think every child has gone through the Saturday morning ritual of putting on your (locally sponsored by Jim’s Auto Repair or something of the ilk) uniform, strapping on your shin guards and lacing up your cleats prior to heading out to the neighborhood field for a day filled with kicking and screaming.

One thing I always looked forward, almost more than the games themselves, was the snacks to be had afterward. It usually rotated through the season from parent to parent. It was a good way to gauge what type of parents they were by what they brought. The hippies with the no sugar added homemade granola or the lazy overweight ones that brought the store bought Little Debbie snack cakes.

Some weekends were great and sometimes it was a huge let down. I always felt bad for the kid with the divorced parents whose dad forgot to even bring the snacks on his day and had to run down to 7-Eleven during the game. Here is our list of the Top 10 Saturday soccer morning snacks…and we want to give a big thank you to all the moms out there who treat us to these delectable treats.

10.) Ants on a Log

It was always nice to get a stick of celery smothered in peanut butter and topped with raisins. This was a rare item but always enjoyable. This was from a mom that put a little love and pride into what she brought.

9.) Kudos Bars

Probably one of the more common items, you really couldn’t go wrong with any flavor of Kudos bars. I don’t think I’ve eaten these anywhere else but on a soccer pitch.

We all like to play with our food but I doubt if any of you have gone so far as creating masterpieces like these. The time and the effort put into these wonderful creations blows my mind. It’s almost a shame that they have to be eaten…but if they’re as delicious as they look then that makes for one heck of a lunch.

Mmm…just what I want on this nice summer day. A good healthy drink that contains a good source of potassium. Cold, sweet and refreshing. Oh shoot…what the…on second thought, I think I’ll opt of an Orangina, although that’s getting awfully close to being misinterpreted too.

This is an “Ethnic Food” section from a grocery store in Alexanderplatz, Berlin. It’s actually a pretty cool and funny insight as to what is considered American food abroad. Depending on how you look at it it’s either really cool or pretty depressing. I myself find it somewhat accurate but also pretty entertaining. It also makes you wonder what other countries think of their “Ethnic Food” sections in supermarkets here.

Where: McDonalds
What: Egg McMuffin, Mac Sauce, Sausage Patty, Scrambled Eggs, Pancake, Hotcake Syrup, Hashbrown, Pancake, Hotcake Syrup, Sausage, Mac Sauce & Egg McMuffin
Cost: $10.54
Success: Yes!

Just in time for your Memorial Day barbecues and the coming summer grilling season we bring you the essential infograph on what makes the ideal burger. Of course everyone has their preferences but this guide will show you how to please the masses if that’s what your aim is.

The burger aficionados over at A Hamburger Today have been doing weekly polls on what eaters want in a burger. We’ve taken the data (with their permission of course, thanks guys!), crunched the numbers and have come up with the perfect burger…and also what would presumably be the least appetizing burger. Not sure how you’re going to accomplish that deep-fried 1 1/2 inch thick rare burger but I know I wouldn’t want to try it. What makes the perfect burger and meal to you?

…and if eating all this deliciousness makes your ass nice and round, this is perfect for you.

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