Wow…just wow. That’s all I can really say about this. This is a phenomenally video (recording really) of a call that Lyndon Johnson made to the Haggar clothing company in 1964. Not only does he mention that his weight fluctuates 15 lbs each month but he goes into great detail about the extra room need in the crotch area.

This is one of the most hilarious and intriguing things I’ve heard from one of our former presidents. I wonder who leaked this little snippet of comedy. There must be tons more great content like this.

UPDATE: I’ve manged to find the source of the recordings. Now it’s just who has the time to listen through it all for the nice gems we’d all like to hear. It’s pretty interesting to listen to them.

Artist Christopher Uminga is a painter and illustrator from New Haven, CT. He has quite the unique way of redoing the characters we all grew up loving. You can check out his personal website or his DeviantArt profile. You might also enjoy his gallery of “Kids Who Like To Fight“.

Cereal Monsters

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Batman, Superman & Wonderwoman

As the story goes, aliens touched down on New York City and dropped off some of their minions who were extremely flexible and talented at yelling. These are those minions and they’re pretty good at whatever it is they’re doing here.

Though you wouldn’t expect tips on how to be normal to come from the Prince of Darkess, he’s now dishing them out in a new video from Brisk. Surprisingly, Oxxy’s view of “normal” doesn’t including drinking blood, biting the head off bats, or setting voodoo dolls on fire.

You can join Ozzy and Brisk on Facebook for cool perks like contests, giveaways, etc.

Mrs. Claus has always had a special place in my heart. There may not be a better woman out there. Not only is she pretty much always in  a good mood but she’s a wonderful cook (making all those chocolate chip cookies), she allows her man to eat whatever he wants, she’s always dressed to the 9s, and she doesn’t mind catering to her mans every whim. Aside from the whole magical, elf, toy making thing, this is the number one reason I am jealous of Santa. So with Christmas coming right around the corner, what better way to pay homage to the awesome Mrs. Claus than with a few hot ones.

Now that Thanksgiving is over and we’ve all consumed more calories than we ever thought we could, it’s time to burn those suckers and get back in shape. Here are 15 hot chicks trying to do just that. Speaking of hot chicks, here’s possibly the hottest chick you’ll see today.

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite times of the year. You get to sit around and watch football and drink heavily while other people prepare food for you. Then you stuff your face, watch more football, drink more beers and lay around. Bottom line… Thanksgiving is a pretty cool holiday. It would be even better however if you could bring any one of these girls with you this year. As you can see, they’re all great in the kitchen so they’ll fit right in.

So the other day some guy (@iHeartMtnDEW) tweeted “@frankiemuniz ur acting is just, awful. sorry but, it is.” and this was Frankie’s reply:

In some regards I find this pretty freakin’ awesome. I mean if I had made that amount of money at that age I think I would have the balls to make statements like this too. He didn’t have to go into the whole “moms house” “35″ thing but nonetheless…ZING! Something that I learned too is that Frankie has stopped acting for the time being and is trying to start an actual career as Formula One racecar driver. He’s actually done pretty well and won a few races.

• In 2005 he won the Toyota Pro/Celebrity Race.
• In January 2007, he placed second at the Sebring Winter National Phat Sack race.
• Muniz signed with Atlantic Championship winning team Pacific Coast Motorsports in January 2008. He finished the 2008 season in eleventh place.
• At the end of the 2008 season, Muniz won the Jovy Marcelo Sportsmanship Award.

How does this make you feel about him? Do you like him more or less for saying something like this? (Funny thing is, Frankie has 72,313 followers and Liam Laferriere (the random tweeter) has a whopping 64. That’s just not fair.

What is “Fuck You” Money, you ask?  Fuck You Money (henceforth referred to as F.U.M.) is a certain level of wealth that basically allows you the ability to do whatever the fuck you want, whenever you want to, however you want to, for the rest of your life and then some – And if anybody has a problem with it, you can just say….

"Make us proud, son.."

You get the idea.  For the sake of argument, I will set my F.U.M amount at $1,000,000,000 USD.  Or, as The Sultan Of Brunei calls it, “Hooker Money”:

1. Scrooge McDuck-esque Money Pool:

Scroogy Mc-D making it "Hail"

Why a pool you say? Because a whole vault would just be douchy.  Also, I would probably need alot more money to fill a vault rather than a pool.

Maybe just an inflatable pool, come to think of it.

Either way, who hasn’t thought of having a SMD money pit at least once in their life?  I’m almost positive, that every time Duck Tales came on I thought to myself “Wow, I’d sure like to have me one of those money vault things to swim around in”.

Sure, it would be impractical. Sure, the sheer logistics of swimming through a sea of gold coins just doesn’t add up. Sure, coins are as filthy as a Greg Giraldo roast session (RIP G.G.).   I don’t care.

Look at this duck. LOOK AT HIM!!! He’s happier than a pig in shit. That’s the life, right there.

I absolutely love Johnny Rockets and have always wanted a playlist of there jukebox music. I searched and couldn’t find a good list so I sat down at the counter with a pad of paper and pen and wrote down everything they had in there. Here is a list for your listening pleasure.

Ain’t That A Shame – Fats Domino
Ain’t Too Proud to Beg – The Temptations
Ally Oop – Hollywood Argyles
At The Hop – Danny & The Juniors
Baby I Need Your Loving – The Four Tops
Baby Love – Diana Ross & The Supremes
Barbara Ann – The Beach Boys
Big Girls Don’t Cry – Frankie Valli
Book Of Love – The Monotones
Chantilly Lace – The Big Bopper
Chapel Of Love – The Dixie Cups
Cheeseburger In Paradise – Jimmy Buffett
Come Go With Me – The Del-Vikings
Cupid – Sam Cooke
Do Wah Diddy Diddy – Manfred Mann
Duke Of Earl – Gene Chandler
Everyday – Buddy Holly
Expressway To Your Heart – The Soul Survivors
Fun, Fun, Fun – The Beach Boys
Get Down Tonight – K C & The Sunshine Band
Go Go Go (Johnny B. Goode) – Chuck Berry
Happy Together – The Turtles
Hello Mary Lou – Ricky Nelson
He’s a Rebel – The Crystals
Hey Baby – Bruce Channel
Higher and Higher (Your Love Lifts Me Up) – Jackie Wilson
Hit The Road Jack – Ray Charles
I Can’t Get Next to You – The Temptations
I Can’t Help Myself (Sugar Pie Honey Bunch) – The Four Tops
I Heard It Through the Grapevine – Gladys Knight & The Pips
Jimmy Mack – Martha Reeves & The Vandellas
Joy To The World – Three Dog Night
La Bamba – Ritchie Valens
Leader Of The Pack – The Shangri-Las
Little Duece Coupe – The Beach Boys
Lollipop – The Chordettes
Louie Louie – The Kinks
Margaritaville – Jimmy Buffett
No Particular Place To – Chuck Berry
Oh What a Night – The Dells
One Fine Day – The Chiffons
Papa’s Got a Brand New Bag – James Brown
Rave On – Buddy Holly
Roll Over Beethoven – Chuck Berry
Saturday Night Fever – Bee Gees
Sh-Boom (Life Could Be A Dream) – The Chords
Some Kind of Wonderful – Grand Funk Railroad
Splish Splash – Bobby Darin
Take Good Care Of My Baby – Bobby Vee
Tell Him – The Exciters
Tequila – The Champs
The Loco-Motion – Little Eva
The Wanderer – Dion
Then He Kissed Me – The Crystals
Up on the Roof – The Drifters
Walk Like A Man – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
Walk, Don’t Run – The Ventures
Wild Thing – The Troggs
Will You Love Me Tomorrow – The Shirelles
Working My Way Back To You – Frankie Valli & The Four Seasons
You’ve Lost that Loving Feeling – The Righteous Brothers