It’s always important to cover your bases when you’re trying to cover all the bases. Never is it more important in this day and age to be sure that there is consensual agreement when it comes to doing the deed. And it might be a good thing to use something along the line of this deed from the 1940s.

It looks like they sure knew how to cover their asses back then. It’s definitely not a bad idea to implement the use of these and I’m not sure why they never quite caught on. Sure it might “break the mood”…but nothing could do that worse than when she discovers the jungle that is the hair on your back…or the “haste” at which you get the job done. Trust me…safety first, you won’t regret it.

If you’ve ever been drunk or high, you know what it’s like to be inebriated and horny. But did you know that substance abuse leads to more risky sexual behavior? This can be harmful to both you and your partner. To help our readers make better decisions when their judgment is compromised, our friends at the medical insurance blog sent us this graphic today.

Click the image for larger version

WEEK 2:

So last week I began my peregrination to master the popular guide to sexually accosting voluntary women otherwise known as “dating,” Rules of the Game.  If you need to catch up on my progress check it out Here on the ever illustrious TopCultured.com (tell your friends and if you don’t have friends shout it to random people on the street, don’t worry you won’t look crazy, just awesome).

After being subjected to my roommate’s tales of quisquilious mercurial frottage this weekend I was seething mad with vorant desire for sexual gratification (Translation: He got laid, I didn’t). With the weekend behind me like fame to Nicole Ritchie I had a new solidified resolve to finally meet “the one…” who would sleep with me.

Here’s a neat trick to play on ________ (insert stereotypically dumb attribute here like blonds, pollacks, cheerleaders, jocks, etc.). Honestly, I hope this was only done for the picture cause it’s a pretty dick move to do this otherwise, yet funny.

“It’s the second most stolen book in the United States right after the Bible” said Neil Strauss in reference to his book Rules of the Game on the popular radio show Toucher and Rich in Boston.  This obviously piqued my interest. The book is billed as the be all, end all guide to picking up women and it’s written by Neil Strauss who wrote such kick ass biographies as “Dirt” about Motley Crue and “How To Make Love Like A Porn Star”  about Jenna Jameson.

I’m a lonely, lonely man and my pick up technique of telling girls I’m “the bassist from the band Ace of Bass, and that’s right I am the ace,” wasn’t working (probably because Ace of Base didn’t actually have a bassist).  Rules of the Game is designed like a textbook for picking up women with daily lessons and lasts 30 days so I decided to take the challenge and chronicle my experience. Here’s what happened:

DAY 1:

We start our adventure by assessing ourselves with several questions.

Q: Describe how you think people see you?

A: Probably with their eyes, I believe it involves light refraction and such. Unless they’re blind then well… I guess they’d make easy victims. Actually, most people see me as a funny guy with no broads.

Q: Describe how you want people to see you?

A: Through telescopes looking up at me in my sky castle! Bwa ha ha ha! Okay how about as a funny guy with tons of broads.

Q:  Identify 3 behaviors you want to change.

A:  Not getting laid, not getting any vagina, and being without access to vagina.

Q:  3 Characteristics you’d like to adopt.

A:  Kicking Bill Engvall in the nuts, having movie star good looks, and receiving more free tacos.

The next section is a list of “limiting beliefs” that hold you back.  “People aren’t judging you, actually they desire your approval as much as you desire theirs.” I guess this means I should begin each conversation with women by yelling the reminder “You demand my approval!”  Here’s another one, “Just ask women what they want.”  I guess this implies that all women are inherently prostitutes who charge different rates and enjoy being propositioned with phrases like “How much?”

Alright let’s move on to the “Small Talk” section. The book gives several examples to use with fill in the blanks to customize them for every situation you’ll ever run into.

Current Events: Did you hear that —— ?  What will they think of next!

Here’s what I used, think of your own, don’t steal mine.

Did you hear that ducks are rape proof? What will they think of next!

Entertainment: Did you see the new —— movie yet? I heard it was good.

Mine: Did you see the new rape fantasy porno yet? I heard it was good.

Ahh… the friend zone. It’s pretty much nowhere near where you want to be with any girl you actually like. Being in the friend zone can keep you from the love of your life or at least from possibly some of the best sex you’ve ever had. Here’s a handy chart that shows you exactly where the friend zone is… so you can avoid it.