They don’t.

I am just going to cut to the chase.  Who the hell would beat who’s ass if they were ever in a heated altercation. Ronald McDonald (“The Clown”) or The Burger King (“The King”). Tough one – I know, right?

VS.

For those lucky enough to have seen Spike Tv’s Dealiest Warrior, go and watch another episode because this is not going to be anywhere near as cool.  Or even accurate for that matter. Will it be kinda sorta fun though? Hell yeah!

Inspired by the aforementioned Deadliest Warrior, we will basically we will pit McDonald’s “creepy clown in hooker makeup” mascot, against the “almost creepier but in a less pedophilic way” mascot of Burger King.

The battle will be arbitrarily judged based on the following four key elements:

1. Short Range Weapons
2. Mid Range Weapons
3. Long Range Weapons
4. Signature Weapon Range

In lieu of actual, harmful, and diabolically constructed weapons, we will be arming the mascots with, what else?, their own menu items. And better yet, this creepy little contest will not take into consideration the taste of any of their arsenal, better yet, the winner for each round will be decided strictly using the health quantification figure CALORIES!!! The higher the chance of a heart attack, the greater chance they stand on the field of battle. *Lightning strikes and a defenseless young virgin screams*

Place your bets now…

I am utterly jealous of the owner of this sweet Lamborghini Murcielago. One might look at him like an ass but not me. If I had the money to buy a car like that I would showoff by going through the McDonald’s drive-thru too.

I mean, clearly he’s too much of a big shot to venture inside a fast food establishment but he’s down-to-earth enough to still know the amazing, deliciousness that is McDee’s. The only way this could be any better is if is before 10:30 AM and he is ordering a Sausage McGriddles…those things are like crack. If you ever need me to do you a favor, all you need to entice me would be a Sausage McGriddles.

Every three years Zurichfest, Switzerland throws a large festival known as The Zürich Festival, it is one of Europe’s great performing arts festivals. With a mix of theatre, opera, dance and classical music. McDonald’s took this as an opportunity to solicit their pomfrites, or French fries if you will.

I’m not sure about you, but MacDee’s fries are certainly up there as one of the better fries in town. This may be a purely nostalgic taste but Lord help me if those fried spuds are not amazing. Even the catsup at the Golden Arches seems to taste different, better. And here’s a pro tip…dunk ‘em in the Barbecue or Sweet & Sour sauce for a whole new mouthgasm.

Sorry…I went off on a tangent, I guess their marketing has quite an effect. I can almost smell the Big Mac sauce right now. Anyways…I still feel this is a cool ad that they’ve done. Make me wonder what other creative ways businesses are going to be placing their wares in our faces. I get a little worried about it…but if they continue in be creative like this I don’t mind so much.

A Jacksonville, FL man is celebrating his 107th birthday at a local McDonald’s with a huge Big Mac cake. This will be Harold Bergman’s third straight year throwing it down at this location. Apparently he really loves his snack wraps.

His wife surprised him with the party, taking him there for his weekly meal, which they normally just get via the drive-thru. She convinced him to go inside where the space was decorated in a surf theme with balloons and birthday decorations. A massive Big Mac cake also awaited the Bergster.

He didn’t stay very long, and I don’t blame him, getting up and saying thank you to all his friends after they sang “Happy Birthday” to him. He was born in Bloomfield, N.J., on August 20th, 1903. He served in the Army, went to Law school at Rutgers University, became a lawyer, and even met Albert Einstein at a Rutgers versus Princeton football game.

He was previously marries for 50 years to his first wife, Marianne, whom he had a son with. He moved to Jacksonville when he retired but continued to do pro bono work for Legal Aid. He has been married to his current wife, Lillian, for 17 years (she’s 18 years his junior, go get em’ boy).

This guy is just too cool for school in all regards. For one, I would love to have him as a grandfather but even more I would love to be this spunky (and awesome) when I’m his age. Really though, even with the advancement of modern medical care, I doubt if I’ll live to see 107. It does say something that he’s still eating McDonald’s and cake, maybe all the doctors are wrong. I do know one thing, if I do each anywhere near that age, I won’t give a damn what I’m eating….and will probably weigh a shit ton because of it.

You see those bags?  THAT is what my stomach CRAVES after a night of self-loathed drinking.  It used to happen a lot more, specifically when in college (which is 50% of the reason I got so fat), but I must confess I had a fat kid day for the record books this weekend.

Sunday – I woke up with something fierce.  No, I’m not talking about that – pervert; I’m talking about the feeling you get after a night of alcohol consumption that can only be satisfied by the greasiest, unhealthiest and downright sinful food you can get your hands on.  Why is that? For me, that means burgers and basically anything that can fit into a fryalator (industrial sized).

My day consisted of two trips to two different fast food joints: McDonald’s…and Wendy’s.  I was looking for fat food fast – and boy did I find it. And it did not disappoint on any level.

Before I go any further I must present you with one disclaimer.  I am not proud of what I did. I am still feeling the effects of what happened when the residual alcohol in my system collectively kicked the inner dieter in the teeth and stole his wallet. This is a dance they both know so very well. Granted, it’s so unbelievably easy to forget about the  salad on any day, but magnify that by 20,000 to the nth.

You know what I’m talking about. You’ve done it – and you’ll do it again.  And by you, I mean me. Here’s a list of what I ate for two meals (not including the chicken sandwich, pickle and tortilla chips and salsa I had beforehand):

• Big Mac
• Large McDonald’s fries
• Large Sprite
• Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich
• Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger
• Wendy’s Fries
• Wendy’s chicken nuggets (half)
• Large coke

Now that I look at that, it actually doesn’t seem so bad.  Just as delicious? Totally. I’m actually thinking now, that I blew it by not going bigger at Micky D’s.  I easily could have scarfed down a snack wrap and apple pies.  Again, I am not proud – only now it’s because I could have eaten more.

Where: McDonalds
What: Egg McMuffin, Mac Sauce, Sausage Patty, Scrambled Eggs, Pancake, Hotcake Syrup, Hashbrown, Pancake, Hotcake Syrup, Sausage, Mac Sauce & Egg McMuffin
Cost: $10.54
Success: Yes!

[source]

Like first graders learning to write their name, it looks like the Midtown Manhattan McDonald’s (at 1651 Broadway, New York, NY) has forgotten the proper spelling of theirs…maybe this is another extension of McDowell’s. My question is, I can understand the printing having a typo and missing it, but how can the staff not see that and still post the banner?

Believe it or not this is a brand new commercial. Granted it’s brand new to Japan and they probably don’t know that the accompanying soundtrack is over 25 years old (but still so awesome). I don’t know if I could put together a cooler mix of “American” for our good friends across the Pacific.

This is for McDonald’s new line of Big America burgers and this particular ad features The Texas Burger. A delicious concoction topped with mustard-relish, barbecue sauce, bacon, cheese, and crispy fried onions on top and separated by the middle bun more barbecue sauce, onions, and bacon. This beast is worthy of our Will They Build It? series.

At ¥400 to ¥420 ($4.38 to $4.60) a piece, this badboy helped McDonald’s Japan break their single day sales record of ¥2.8 billion, about $30.7 million. Damn. I just wish I could get something like it here.