So, you need to pass a history report and the only way to do this is to go back in time and kidnap a bunch of famous people, or you need to get the hell out of Dodge because you just watched a bunch of Libyans shoot up the crazy old man who is your only friend. Or maybe you just want to go back in time to amaze and seduce peasant girls with your iPhone. We’ve all been there. The only problem is coming up with a way to make it happen. Well, luckily for you, we here at Heavy have compiled a handy list of time travel methods, each with their various benefits and drawbacks, for you to peruse. Read more.

Inventor: Stuart Stebbings of De Pere, Wisconsin
Year: 1906
Patent: 3,234,948

The filter is confined between plugs of any appropriate material capable of restraining the filter material without unduly impeding passage of smoke. Cotton or a narrow roll of fibrous material such as paper or fabric, may be employed as a plug.

A mixture of particulate cheese with particulate charcoal will remove a materially higher percentage of tars and nicotine from tobacco smoke than can be removed with grated cheese alone or with pulverulent charcoal alone.

Grave Attachments (Periscope)

Inventor: George Willems of Roanoke, Illinois
Year: 1908
Patent: 901,407

This invention relates to new and useful improvements in grave attachments and has as its object to provide a novel device of this character, whereby a body may be observed or watched after being interred.

In order, the interior of the coffin may be suitably illuminated as to create the desired reflection, an electric lamp is fixed to the under surface of the lid.

User Operated Amusement Apparatus for Kicking the User’s Buttocks

Inventor: Joe W. Armstrong of Lenoir, Tennessee
Year: 2000
Patent: 6,293,874

An amusement apparatus including a user-operated and controlled apparatus for self-infliction of repetitive blows to the user’s buttocks by a plurality of elongated arms bearing flexible extensions that rotate under the user’s control. The apparatus includes a platform foldable at a mid-section, having first post and second upstanding posts detachably mounted thereon. The first post is provided with a crank positioned at a height thereon which requires the user to bend forward toward the first post while grasping the crank with both hands, to prominently present his buttocks toward the second post. The second post is provided with a plurality of rotating arms detachably mounted thereon, with a central axis of the rotating arms positioned at a height generally level with the user’s buttocks. The elongated arms are propelled by the user’s movement of the crank, which is operatively connected by a drive train to the central axis of the rotating arms. As the user rotates the crank, the user’s buttocks are paddled by flexible shoes located on each outboard end of the elongated arms to provide amusement to the user and viewers of the paddling. The amusement apparatus is foldable into a self-contained package for storage or shipping.

Bird Trap and Cat Feeder

Inventor: Leo O. Voelker of Linn, Kansas
Year: 1979
Patent: 4,150,505

This invention relates generally to a bird trap and more particularly, but not by way of limitation to a bird trap for catching sparrows and feeding the sparrows to a cat.

Heretofore, there have been a variety of different types of bird traps, pigeon traps and the like for receiving birds in a bird housing and trapping the bird in different types of cages. None of the prior art traps disclose the novel features of catching a sparrow and including means for feeding the sparrow to a cat.

I don’t want to ruin it for you but a caller (Chris) to the Point’s (105.7 FM in St. Louis, MO) Woody and Rizzuto Show had been dating his current girlfriend Ashley for nearly 5 years. He had always wanted to come up with a really good idea on how to propose to her. He purchased a ring 3 months back and began his scheme. He asked the local radio station to help him out and aid with tricking Ashley.

As women tend to do though, she was snooping about the house and came upon the ring tipping her off about the proposal. Not to be outdone, Chris caught wind of this via a friend of hers and modified his plan….that is until he also caught wind of her alleged cheating…and then he really modified his plan. If you do nothing else today I beg you to give this a listen…it will be the best 12 minutes of your day.