Top Cultured » candy

How To Catch A Baby

Heesa Phadie — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 17:09:36 +0000

If you’ve ever wanted to capture yourself a baby…here is the best way to go about it. Hopefully Pedobear doesn’t catch wind of this tactic. It’s sure to trap you a baby no matter what. Well, either a baby for a PMSing woman (okay, sorry for that, that’s a bit sexist and demeaning…but still slightly true).

22 Hot Girls With Candy

Daniel Joseph — Thu, 30 Dec 2010 14:34:57 +0000

Girls love the following things: money, the color pink, and candy (in that order), and we love girls, so to celebrate, here are 20 hot chicks with… candy!

A few of the images for this gallery have been provided by Playboy.

If you like those, you’ll love these:

The Worst 11 “Treats” To Get On Halloween

Dutch Mechanic — Fri, 29 Oct 2010 21:56:59 +0000

Halloween rules! Free candy, hot girls dressing provocatively, and costume parties. Sometimes however, the costume parties suck, ugly girls trick you by dressing all hot, and neighbors give out the nastiest candy on Earth. So, because of that, here they are… the 11 “treats” you pray you don’t get this Halloween.

1. Goddamn Good & Plenty – What kid wants to put a piece of poisoned plastic in their mouth? Answer: none. Also, why name your candy “Good & Plenty” when most people think its gross and offensive?

source: elle.com

2. A Fucking Toothbrush – First of all, you may be a dentist, and that’s cool and all, but not on Halloween. You’ve got 364 other days to give out toothbrushes, and this day isn’t one of them. This goes for floss too. If i wanted floss, I wouldn’t have come to your house, I would have went to CVS or something.

source: laist.com

3. Tootsie Rolls – Tootsie Rolls are like the “bread of candies.” It’s not good enough to eat by itself, and its not really exciting. Also, it’s unoriginal. Tootsie rolls have been around for about 2,000 years and even Jesus hated them (I had the citation on this, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere). Also, they kinda look like cat turds, and you wouldn’t wanna put those in your mouth, would you?

Side note: we’re talking traditional tootsie rolls here, some of the flavored ones are pretty awesome.

source: chadzilla.typepad.com

4. JuJuBees – The only thing Jujubees have going for them is that they look appealing. With all those bright candy colors, people are drawn to them. But beware, JUJUBEES WILL RIP YOUR TEETH OUT, almost as if you did something to piss them off.

source: frugalnutandcandy.com

5. Double Bubble – Come on… you mean to tell me that you went to the store to buy candy to give out on Halloween, and the thought that came across your mind was Double Bubble? Insane. If you wanna give out gum, that’s perfectly fine, for example Bubble Yum makes some pretty badass flavors, but Double Bubble? Get real.

source: mastgeneralstore.com

6. Dirty Pennies – Ain’t nothing wrong with pennies… when you’re giving them back to the cashier cause they’re not even worth jingling in your pocket, or when you’re tossing them in a wishing well (even though that shit never works). However, giving out pennies on Halloween IS wrong. If you’re going to give out money stick to dollars… at least.

source: getmoneyenergy.com

7. Raisins – Just don’t. Seriously, does that look good to you? Unless they’re in an oatmeal raisin cookie, we don’t want it.

source: onlinepastrychef.wordpress.com

8. Religious Tracts – It’s not Christmas, it’s Halloween. What would you do if you asked someone for a pencil and they gave you a bagel? You would look at them like they were mentally challenged right? And you don’t want people to think you’re mentally challenged, do you?

source: flickr.com

9. Themed Favors – First off, this isn’t even candy. Here’s how it’s supposed to work: when I come to the door and say “Trick or Treat,” you’re supposed to either do something scary that entertains me, or give me a treat, preferably both. Now some people think these are treats, but I can assure you they’re not. If you don’t believe me, just Google “halloween treats” and tell me if you see any pencils. See also: stickers, coupons, etc.

source: pumpkinrot.blogspot.com

10. Circus Peanuts – May as well be handing out packaging peanuts. Serious, the only thing these are good for is throwing them at people that give you bad candy. So if you don’t want to get something thrown at you, I suggest not even looking at these when you go to the grocery store.

source: momversation.com

11. Bags of Baby Carrots – Most kids don’t want to eat this when their parents put it in their lunch bags for school. So then, why do you think they would want a slimy bag of baby carrots in their pillowcase on Halloween? The only thing carrots are good for is carrot cake, oh, and bunnies like them, but kids don’t. Remember that!

source: salmonellablog.com

*If you were thinking about giving any of these out, but then smartened up after reading this post, here are some ideas of things you can give out: Bacon Jam, Skittles, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Nerds, Dots, etc. I think you get the idea.

What Should I Eat? Candy Edition (Flowchart)

Heesa Phadie — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 17:10:47 +0000

Happy Holidays to everyone out there. I hope you enjoy it with family and friends. What better thing to have during those endless parties and gatherings but a delicious piece of candy. The only problem is standing in the candy aisle with all those options staring right back at you. Ever since you first set eyes on the row after row of delectable treats as a child you’ve had this problem. Well we here at Eating The Road have taken the hard work out of it for you. Follow this handy flowchart to sweet bliss. The only thing you’ll have to decide now is whether or not it’s okay to flirt with your hot cousin that’s coming over for the family Christmas Eve dinner.

You may also enjoy our other flowcharts:
Fast Food
Cereal
Chain Restaurant
Beer
Freezer Aisle
Produce Aisle

(click picture to enlarge)

11 “Treats” You Pray You Don’t Get on Halloween

Daniel Joseph — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 12:25:18 +0000