Jersey Shore has come and gone, but the legacy of the guido lives forever. These hair-gelled warriors of the dance floor are the nadir of the American male – all spray tans, Ed Hardy shirts and attitude. We’ve gone into the wild to bring back pictures of the 20 worst guidos we could find. Read more here.

We’re nearly four months into 2010 and amidst the persistent malaise of a recessionized world, the persistent and all-pervasive fear of imminent destruction at mad terrorist hands and a creeping culture-shock of failed anticipation wherein we are finally realizing that the 21st century isn’t quite the jet-packs and moon-city future we’d all come to hope for, I nonetheless expect that we can probably all agree that Arthur C.Clarke can go eff himself. Still, it’s probably only a matter of time until some ominous mothership from a faraway world gets it in its mind to hover over our major city centers or – assuming we’re taking our lessons from movies “with a message” – vomit up its sentient off-planet cargo to integrate uncomfortably into the great human melting pot. Read more here.

For movie fans, there is nothing worse than sitting down to enjoy a movie, only to see the movie get destroyed by a terrible performance. There are many ways that this can happen, ranging from awful acting to an actor just being plain old not likeable. But in the end, the story is always the same: you leaving the theater wishing you could punch someone in the throat. So, without further adieu, here are ten actors who have ruined their movies. Read more.

So, you need to pass a history report and the only way to do this is to go back in time and kidnap a bunch of famous people, or you need to get the hell out of Dodge because you just watched a bunch of Libyans shoot up the crazy old man who is your only friend. Or maybe you just want to go back in time to amaze and seduce peasant girls with your iPhone. We’ve all been there. The only problem is coming up with a way to make it happen. Well, luckily for you, we here at Heavy have compiled a handy list of time travel methods, each with their various benefits and drawbacks, for you to peruse. Read more.

Way to make me feel pretty pathetic about my life – Canadian Rory MacDonald is a professional MMA fighter with a 9-0 record who just got signed by the UFC and is making his debut next Monday at Ultimate Fight Night. And he ain’t even twenty-one years old. Read an interview with him here.

So the new tallest skyscraper in the world just opened up in the United Arab Emirates, and while everybody’s talking about how damned tall it is, nobody’s actually saying what’s inside the damn thing. Well, I got ahold of some documents detailing the Burj’s use plan and they’ll shock you like a Shocker. Read more.

This picture of a baked-looking dog has taken the Internet by storm. Check out these awesome shops. See more.

Apparently the new hotness is to take Miley Cyrus’s “Party In The U.S.A.” and give it a remix for sizzurp drinking. Check out some of the most amazing ones here.

Barack Obama will be giving the annual State of the Union speech to Congress on Wednesday, but a secret that only Washington insiders know is that, before the cameras go on, there is actually a “shadow speech” that is only given to the assembled Congressmen and women in attendance. This speech is where the actual moving and grooving happens, and Heavy.com, after an epic night of White House dumpster diving, has notes and papers that give an inside peek into what President Obama is really going to be saying. Read more.

I’m not even going to pretend that I understand what the big deal is with Jersey Shore.  It’s just a bunch of hair gel and people who can’t talk right. So I gave my seven year old niece a picture of the MTV reality hit’s cast and asked her to explain to me who they were and what they were doing. Her answer is a lot better than the show.