Jonathan Baker

Who Ya Got? Autobots vs. G.I. Joes

Posted By: on September 9, 2009
2

It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?”, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Militaries these days haven’t been getting their exercise. Oh sure, there’s the war on terror and you hear of little skirmishes here and there. But full-on all-out conventional warfare between two established and powerful militaries has been kept to a minimum lately. So to keep their forces battle-ready, we’ve organized a little war game between the Autobots and the G.I. Joes.

Let’s see how they measure up:

Squad:The Autobots Squad:G.I. Joes
From: Cybertron From: Various locations, but all from Earth
Led by: Optimus Prime Led by: Hawk
Squad members:approx 61, not counting Dinobots, Junkions and a lot of other obscure Autobots listed on Wikipedia (list) Squad members: Approx 200 featured (list)
Read On
Jonathan Baker

Who ya got? Harry Potter vs. Edward Cullen

Posted By: on July 15, 2009
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It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?“, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Seeing as these two theatrical titans of the supernatural will fighting for top billing this summer, why not explore how they’d fare in a fight? I’m talking, of course, of Harry Potter (J.K. Rowling’s boy wonder wizard) versus Edward Cullen (Stephenie Meyer’s angsty anti-hero vampire). Who

Let’s see how they measure up:

Full name: Harry Potter Full name: Edward Cullen
Occupation: Wizard student Occupation: Vampire
Abilities: Spells, enchantments, broom flying, invisibility (cloak) Abilities: Superhuman speed and strength, mind reading

Read On

TopCultured Legends

Nice Try, Melvin Gibsonson

Posted By: on April 4, 2011

Anonymity is something that celebrities give away when they grow in fame and exposure. Who wouldn’t recognize Denzel Washington, Jessica Simpson, or Mel Gibson? They can try, as Gibson did below, but chances are strong Read On »

Lyndon Johnson Needs Pants

Posted By: on January 22, 2011

Wow…just wow. That’s all I can really say about this. This is a phenomenally video (recording really) of a call that Lyndon Johnson made to the Haggar clothing company in 1964. Not only does he Read On »

The 20 Worst Subtitles

Posted By: on April 28, 2010

I love foreign films, but I’m always a little concerned that what I’m reading in the subtitles maybe isn’t quite what they’re saying on-screen.

Jonathan Baker

Who ya got? Iceman vs. Sub-Zero

Posted By: on July 2, 2009
14

It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?“, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Today, we’ve pitted Iceman (of X-men fame) versus Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat). Which of these cold-blooded, cold-bodied killers would win in a fight? Let’s see how they measure up:

Full name: Bobby “Iceman” Drake Full name: Sub-Zero
Occupation: Elite team of peacekeepers (X-men) Occupation: Ninja
Origin of powers: Genetics, mutation Origin of powers: Genetics, descendant of cryomancers
Abilities: Control cold Abilities: Control cold, ninja abilities

Read On
Jonathan Baker

BILLY MAYS IS LIKE CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL!!

Posted By: on July 2, 2009
1

Tired of your old, boring keyboard? Sure it works great, but no one can really hear it above all the noise and confusion of the internet. Well, good news, because here’s the Billy Mays button! Now you, too, can talk uncomfortably loudly to any and everyone you come into contact with – just like the late Billy Mays (RIP)!

Act now, and you’ll get a Michael Jackson reference AT NO EXTRA CHARGE!



(via TwitPic)

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Jonathan Baker

Who Ya Got? Beatrix Kiddo vs. Jen Yu

Posted By: on June 19, 2009
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It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?”, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Today, we have two sword-crossed femme fatales going at it: Beatrix Kiddo, from the Kill Bill movies; and Jen Yu, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. It’s your typical East-Hemisphere/West-Hemisphere rivalry. Let’s see how they measure up:

Full name: Beatrix Kiddo Full name: Jen Yu
As seen kicking ass in: Kill Bill vol. 1 & 2 As seen kicking ass in: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
Trained by: Pai Mei Trained by: Jade Fox, Wudang manual
Wields: Hattori Hanzo swords Wields: Green Destiny
Main Advantage: Long resume of murder (experience) Main Advantage: Wire-fu (near-flight mobility)
Fights For: Revenge Fights for: Freedom from societal norms

Read On
Jonathan Baker

Who ya got? Jolly Green Giant vs. Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Posted By: on June 8, 2009
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It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?“, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Today, we are pitting two literal giants of the food industry against one another: The Jolly Green Giant and The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. As we all know, size matters. But seeing as these are both fictitious characters, no one really mentions how big they are so we have to assume they are the same size. Who will be king of this food pyramid?

Let’s see how they measure up:

Full name: Jolly Green Giant Full name: Stay Puft Marshmallow Man
Mascot for: General Mills vegetables Mascot for: Imaginary Stay Puft brand marshmallows
First appearance: 1928, commercials First appearance: 1984, Ghostbusters
Promotes: Good nutrition Promotes: Diabetes

Read On
Jonathan Baker

Forget the iPhone… I Want a Pez Gun

Posted By: on June 4, 2009
78

When I see something like this, I get pissed. Not because of what it is or what it represents, but because I didn’t get to play with stuff this cool when I was young. It’s a Pez dispenser that’s also a toy gun. It shoots delicious, delicious Pez. How freaking cool is that?

Unfortunately, these were taken off the market because, apparently, having kids stick a gun in their mouths and pull the trigger is a no-no.



Read On
Jonathan Baker

Who ya got? Screech vs. Urkel

Posted By: on June 2, 2009
11

It is the one question men have pondered throughout the ages… who would win in a fight? In this feature, “Who ya got?“, we take two people – fictional characters, historical figures, athletes, celebrities, etc. – and pit them against one another for your entertainment. We’re thoughtful like that.

Today, we are pitting two of the biggest nerds to have come out of the 80′s: Screech from Saved By The Bell; and Urkel from Family Matters. These loveable misfits aren’t exactly the fighting type, to be sure, but that’s not going to stop us here. Going into this battle, a few assumptions have been made. First, we’re assuming that both combatants are equally socially awkward and equally super smart. Also, it’s a pretty safe bet that direct physical combat between the two will not only be useless, but frigging hilarious.

Let’s see how they measure up:

Full name: Samuel Powers Full name:Stephen Q. Urkel
Occupation: Student Occupation: Student

Notable inventions
:

  • Kevin, Screech’s giant robot friend
  • Spaghetti sauce that infringed copyrights
  • Love machine

Notable inventions
:

  • Teleportation device
  • DNA Transformation booth, Cool Juice
  • Urkel Bot
Woman he’s fighting for: Lisa Turtle Woman he’s fighting for: Laura Winslow
Catch phrase: “Zoiks!” Catch phrase: “Did I do that?”

Read On
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