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Heesa Phadie

5 Reasons Being Single Rules (and Sucks)

Posted By: on January 19, 2010
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5.) Not Having To Go Out

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Why it rules:
After an unexpectedly hard day there is little I’d rather do then have to come home, get cleaned up, hop in the car and trudge though a throng of people to have over-priced under re-heated frozen food. I do not want to wait 45 minutes amongst families with screaming children or the local Red Hat Society in the lobby of Olive Garden.

When single, there are no “date-nights” that started out as a creative way to spend time together but quickly turned into a prison sentence. There are no mandatory dinners at the parent’s house. You don’t have to confront the drunken idiots at the bar that are hitting on your girlfriend. Instead you are free to stay home, draw a bath, read a book, catch up on your TiVo backlog, set a personal record on finishing Final Fantasy 7 or whatever else might fancy you.

Why it sucks:
When you do want to go out it becomes quite apparent how depressing dining alone can be. At most establishments you’re either treated as a leper, “Just one?” or like a child that needs extra attention “Hiiiiiiiii, can I get you more water? You know, how about some soup…on the house sweetheart.”


4.) Being The Ruler Of Your Domain

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Why it rules:
You have the entire space to yourself. You can do whatever you’d like whenever you’d like. There is not a single thing that anyone can do or say that you have to heed to. You wanna sit on the couch at 2PM in your Spider-Man undies eating Lucky Charms….go for it. You want to move a mini-fridge filled with PBR into the bedroom so you can grab a cold one in the middle of watching Old School (for the 8th time in 8 weeks), you do that!

Why it sucks:
So you have the place to yourself. It’s all yours…no one to make demands of you. No one to ask you to pick up the towels. This is all good and well until that fateful night when the spicy pork rinds that went down so easily during the WoW all-nighter suddenly decide they don’t want to finish the transaction and are know making your stomach feel as if it’s in the apocalyptic battle of hell.

It is now evident that there is literally no one around to help you in this moment of excruciating pain. No one to go out and get proper medicine. No one to rub your back. No one to cook a nice warm meal for you once you’re able to stomach food again. Instead you’re left there writhing in agony until you can get past the humiliation of having to call your mom to come over.

3.) No One To  Buy Gifts For

applebees
Why it rules:
Oh man…Valentine’s Day, Christmas, birthdays…..you will save so much money when you don’t have to buy presents on these days. But that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are none of the crap house warming parties that you are not only forced to go to but forced to pick up a bottle of wine to bring or Niece Nicole’s 2nd birthday party that you will have to spend $50 (which is more than you’d spend on yourself by the way) for an outfit that she’ll wear maybe 5 times before it’s too small.

That’s not even mentioning those times when it wasn’t even a holiday, wasn’t a anniversary, you did nothing wrong…but some how you got in trouble for not bringing a gift home “just because.” That is the single most frustrating argument you will ever have…it goes nowhere and no one wins….expect the single guy.

Why it sucks:
It is certainly a sad Christmas when you come to grips that the only presents you receive are deemed “useful” and things that “you need honey.” Yeah, sure your sock drawer is full now and you can throw out your ratty boxers but how many George Foreman grills can one get? Being single you have no one to supplement the horrible gift receiving that creeps in as adulthood commences.

2.) No Pressure To Wash The Dishes

applebees
Why it rules:
So what if there are 9 bowls half filled with Ramen, Kraft Mac & Cheese or Cinnamon Life…let ‘em soak a little longer, it’s not gonna hurt anything. Plus the one bowl of Ramen has only been sitting there since last night and you can totally use it again for dinner…no worries. Also who cares how you load the dish washer, that thing just sprays all all over the place anyways. They’ll all get cleaned good enough. It’s not like your eating with the Queen, they don’t have to be spotless.

Why it sucks:
When you do actually need a dish there is no one else to fall back on….you’re going to have to knuckle down, grab a trash bag, toss everything out…and head down to Target to replenish your supply of eatingware.

1.) Having The Entire Bed To Yourself

applebees
Why it rules:
Ahh….a nice comfortable bed all to yourself, there is nothing better in the World. Spread out, take your trunks off, kick the extra pillows to the floor. Never ever worry about making the bed. The quality of your night’s rest will lie squarely on your shoulders…or back rather. There is no one snoring next to you. No kicking you in the middle of the night. No one waking up every 2 hours to use the restroom. No one setting the alarm for 6AM because they have to go to “work.” And you don’t even have to do the sheets because you got more than a few sets as gifts at your last birthday.

Why it sucks:
You are in a bed by yourself…need I say more?

4 Responses to “5 Reasons Being Single Rules (and Sucks)”

  1. Free_Refills says:

    The flip side to No. 5 is that when you do go out, there is no one to stop you from just getting pizza, burritos and pub food every time. Being single means you never have to go out for Sushi again.

  2. gerakis100 says:

    I dunno… All these reasons make me wanna go single again… Not buying gifts is a blessing!

  3. Joseph says:

    I love the bed from "Having The Entire Bed To Yourself". Is that a real one?

  4. Al says:

    or like a child that needs extra attention “Hiiiiiiiii, can I get you more water? You know, how about some soup…on the house sweetheart.”

    That doesn't sound that bad to me. Free soup sounds pretty good to me.

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