Look, we’re all men here on the Internet, right? Right! So let’s just get right down to the 14 manliest things in existence and call it a day. Cause that’s what men do… we get shit done!
1. Manly Explosions are Manly – Explosions are badass, and every guy knows it… that’s why Michael Bay put so many explosions into Transformers (1 and 2). If you tell me you just saw someone eat glass, I’d be like “eh, that’s cool, I guess,” but tell me something in the backyard is exploding and I’ll be there in a heartbeat, beer in hand.
source: unknown
2. Hot Chicks – Ok, so hot chicks aren’t manly, that would be gross, but being around hot chicks IS manly, so is having hot chick calendars, hot chick beach towels, mugs with hot chicks on ‘em, posters of hot chicks, and car magazines with hot chicks leaning on cars, preferably all in bikinis.
source: democraticunderground.com
3. Bare Hands – Men don’t fuck around, we don’t have time to. If something needs to be done, we’ll do it. When the wife says, “Hey honey, we don’t have anymore gasoline for the lawnmower,” we say, “No problem, I’ll just rip that shit out with my bare hands.” Or when the girlfriend is all like, “I can’t change this flat tire because I lost the jack,” we just rip the lug nuts off with our bare hands.
source: dancingmood.com
4. Manly Beards are Manly – When you think of a manly man, what do you think of? Lumberjacks. Lumberjacks have beards for a reason, to protect their face from the cold when its 10-degrees below zero and they’re fighting polar bears and catching salmon and, of course, cutting down trees in the winter. So the next time you see a man with a great beard, compliment him, we need to stick together. By the way, you should add REDBEARD on facebook.
source: imgur.com
5. Manly Cars are Manly – We’re not talking about your Ford Focus or your Scion xB, we’re talking powerful and intimidating vehicles. We’re talking trucks so tall, you’ve got to use a ladder to get in it. We’re talking ‘68 cherry red Camaros with racing stripes and an exhaust system that can wake up your parents (that live two states away from you).
source: cardomain.com
6. Tools – We’re men and we use tools… for everything. Shit, just last week I used a hammer to open my car door just cause I felt like it. Whether it’s a chainsaw, a jackhammer, a wrench, or a screwdriver, we’re using it, and if we’re not using that, we’re using a sawzall, a nail gun, or a backhoe.
source: philramunno.com
7. Balls – It’s pretty obvious men have balls. Now I’m talking literal balls and metaphorical balls. Ever watch a movie where a guy runs into a burning building to save a child? Or how about wrestling a shark cause it looked at you funny? These things take balls and that’s why men have ‘em.
source: laweekly.com
8. Guns – Guns are basically like having a second penis. They’re powerful, they shoot, and girls are afraid of them. Not all guys want guns, but all men sure do.
source: openclipart.com
9. Grilling – Men grill… or barbeque, they don’t bake, or “prepare.” Eff that noise. Something about using fire to conquer beasts and then teaching them a lesson by eating the shit out of them just reaches out to a man’s heart. And, we don’t stop at meat, we grill anything. Corn, pineapples, shoot, I even heard you can make a cake on a grill.
source: fitzbilt.com
10. Beer – It has been referred to as the nectar of the gods, and for good reason. After a long day of working with tools and living off the land, a cold beer hits the spot better than anything. In fact, beer has been known to cure the common cold, athlete’s foot, and getting bitched at.
source: mybadpad.com
11. Manly Names are Manly – What’s your name? Betty? Samantha? Kristen? That’s not manly at all. That’s why men have manly names like Duncan Steel, Magnus Ver Magnusson, and Brock Lesnar. Our names define us… you really think someone’s is gonna want to mess with you if your name is Brick Rippley? Not a chance.
source: tutztutz.com
12. Football – Running into someone as fast as you possibly can with the intent of causing physical harm is manly. Badminton is not. Everything about football is manly really… tailgating (in trucks sometimes), grilling in the parking lot, drinking beers, watching hot chicks (cheerleaders), and getting loud as hell when someone almost takes another persons head off.
source: pileofphotos.com
13. Manly Jobs are Manly – What’s manlier than being a glass chewer, a master beardsman, a truck juggler, a brick shitter, or a rodeo clown for sharks (via)? Not much.
source: imgur.com
14. Manly Movies are Manly – Let’s be honest, men only watch chick flicks if they’re trying to get some. To men, everything exists to entertain us, including movies, so when we choose what we wanna watch its usually something like Blazing Saddles, Army of Darkness, Braveheart, James Bond, Lethal Weapon, etc. In case you wanna know what other kind of movies men like, go here.
source: purposedriven.com
*Feel free to add your manly comments in the manly comments section below… it’s for men only!
Huh, no men out here but me i guess…
Man I Rock!
pretty cliche article dont know what i expected…
Chuck Norris isn’t manly… manly is Chuck Norris.
That was the dumbest thing I’ve ever read.
You suck at life. This article is F*d
Hate to break it to you, but big ass trucks aren’t manly, they’re just redneck. And balls on your redneck truck just makes you a douchebag.
Hell yeah to the other 12 things on this list though.
…you are a certifiable genius!
balls… haha are you serious?
…are you also a redneck? and let me guess.. a teenager? step out of the darkages champ and stop calling your wife ‘woman’.
‘Football’ as you call it , is not manly. You wear an inch of protective clothing. Try making it more manly by removign the saftey wear ala rugby?
hmmm… so this was written by a guy (Daniel Joseph) who has 2 first names for his name, and he photoshopped himself into the first pic… my guess is that his wife, Suzi Brenda, found out about this posting and those are Daniel Joseph’s balls hanging from the truck, (no photoshop necessary).
Reading this article is like being bukkaked with stupid… Whoever wrote this is almost indisputably a dumbass teenager who thinks it’s cool to be a complete redneck, or glorifies his own dad (who is probably a huge redneck).
I may not be manly enough to leave comments, my penis only just reaches my knee
Your an unoriginal dumbass…ever hear of Maddox? I’m going to assume you have seen his site and/or read his book, and were banking on the hope that no one else has heard of him. I mean, yea, you did add some of your own “original manly things” to this list…but they werent as manly as they were redneck, and stupid.
your not original and your not funny…quit while your still only marginally behind
Just as I suspected, men don’t think women really exist. Unfortunately women are too in touch with reality to pretend men don’t exist, though we often wish we could. No, we love you big apes although you are destructive children. I’ve always said that men are not happy unless they are destroying something and making a big noise, and I have yet to be disproved. You guys should thank God for our hormones – otherwise we would have gotten rid of you long ago.
I thought it was funny! Come on guys you don’t have to post such negative comments. Must be a bunch of fat/ugly people!
Yeah right. Put some padding on any rugby player you can think of and place him in an American football game. He would get his ass kicked. Every thirty seconds.
wow all you guys are like women, your complaining! its for fun jeez. just take it like you all took it last night from the rear and enjoy. <—- (for whoever is complaining about it)
Every person complaining about this article must be a woman. WHY ARE SO MANY FEMALES READING THIS, YOU SHOULD BE COOKING FOR A MAN SOMEWHERE… wtf?
Enough of the whining about this article it was greatness best shit since maddox, everyone should love it or their opinion sucks.. period ..
#1 oughta be “Being a Dad.” It’s manly to make babies but also to raise them how you want them to be. So they’re manly too. Unless they’re a chick. Then teach them what kind of manly man to look for.