Halloween rules! Free candy, hot girls dressing provocatively, and costume parties. Sometimes however, the costume parties suck, ugly girls trick you by dressing all hot, and neighbors give out the nastiest candy on Earth. So, because of that, here they are… the 11 “treats” you pray you don’t get this Halloween.
1. Goddamn Good & Plenty – What kid wants to put a piece of poisoned plastic in their mouth? Answer: none. Also, why name your candy “Good & Plenty” when most people think its gross and offensive?
source: elle.com
2. A Fucking Toothbrush – First of all, you may be a dentist, and that’s cool and all, but not on Halloween. You’ve got 364 other days to give out toothbrushes, and this day isn’t one of them. This goes for floss too. If i wanted floss, I wouldn’t have come to your house, I would have went to CVS or something.
source: laist.com
3. Tootsie Rolls – Tootsie Rolls are like the “bread of candies.” It’s not good enough to eat by itself, and its not really exciting. Also, it’s unoriginal. Tootsie rolls have been around for about 2,000 years and even Jesus hated them (I had the citation on this, but I can’t seem to find it anywhere). Also, they kinda look like cat turds, and you wouldn’t wanna put those in your mouth, would you?
Side note: we’re talking traditional tootsie rolls here, some of the flavored ones are pretty awesome.
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4. JuJuBees – The only thing Jujubees have going for them is that they look appealing. With all those bright candy colors, people are drawn to them. But beware, JUJUBEES WILL RIP YOUR TEETH OUT, almost as if you did something to piss them off.
source: frugalnutandcandy.com
5. Double Bubble – Come on… you mean to tell me that you went to the store to buy candy to give out on Halloween, and the thought that came across your mind was Double Bubble? Insane. If you wanna give out gum, that’s perfectly fine, for example Bubble Yum makes some pretty badass flavors, but Double Bubble? Get real.
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6. Dirty Pennies – Ain’t nothing wrong with pennies… when you’re giving them back to the cashier cause they’re not even worth jingling in your pocket, or when you’re tossing them in a wishing well (even though that shit never works). However, giving out pennies on Halloween IS wrong. If you’re going to give out money stick to dollars… at least.
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7. Raisins – Just don’t. Seriously, does that look good to you? Unless they’re in an oatmeal raisin cookie, we don’t want it.
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8. Religious Tracts – It’s not Christmas, it’s Halloween. What would you do if you asked someone for a pencil and they gave you a bagel? You would look at them like they were mentally challenged right? And you don’t want people to think you’re mentally challenged, do you?
source: flickr.com
9. Themed Favors – First off, this isn’t even candy. Here’s how it’s supposed to work: when I come to the door and say “Trick or Treat,” you’re supposed to either do something scary that entertains me, or give me a treat, preferably both. Now some people think these are treats, but I can assure you they’re not. If you don’t believe me, just Google “halloween treats” and tell me if you see any pencils. See also: stickers, coupons, etc.
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10. Circus Peanuts – May as well be handing out packaging peanuts. Serious, the only thing these are good for is throwing them at people that give you bad candy. So if you don’t want to get something thrown at you, I suggest not even looking at these when you go to the grocery store.
source: momversation.com
11. Bags of Baby Carrots – Most kids don’t want to eat this when their parents put it in their lunch bags for school. So then, why do you think they would want a slimy bag of baby carrots in their pillowcase on Halloween? The only thing carrots are good for is carrot cake, oh, and bunnies like them, but kids don’t. Remember that!
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*If you were thinking about giving any of these out, but then smartened up after reading this post, here are some ideas of things you can give out: Bacon Jam, Skittles, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Nerds, Dots, etc. I think you get the idea.
I like toothbrushes
say what you will about Good n' Plenty but there are still "some" people that like it
Dude, I'll take your Good-&-Plentys if you don't want them.
Dont forget about those candies in the orange halloween wrappers that are some sort of toffee or something and taste like ass.
I actually liked getting pencils and stickers. I would keep the cool ones and sell the rest off to the other kids :D
When you go trick-or-treating, you are not asking for candy. You are asking for a treat. Not a treat you want, but a treat they wish to give. You're a fucking unappreciative fuck face if you get mad when you don't get a fucking super-sized snicker bar at every fucking house you fuck.
Whoa, I was with you right up until — Double Bubble rocks! All the other candy is shit but DB is the best….still.
I like tootsie rolls..
Dude how are good and plenties and tooties rolls on here. Popcorn balls should be on it.
I f@#%ing LOVE Good and Plentys
Jesus forbade the giving of crappy gifts:
“You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead? Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion? Of course not! So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him.” (Luke 11:11-13)
But disagree with you about Tootsie Rolls. They rock AND they're good for getting rid of popcorn in your teeth.
when you say "Trick or Treat" it's not because they have a choice to either give you a treat or a trick, it's a threat. either they give you a treat or you are going to do something (the trick) like egg their house, or use toilet paper, shaving cream, etc.
also, circus peanuts are good. almost like pure sugar.
Substitute Good n' Plenty with Candy Corns!
Goddamn Good & Plenty = awesome
Tootsie Rolls = awesome
your list = ass
you fail, have a nice day
Yeah we gave out tubs of Play-Doh (official play-doh, not that crap rose-art stuff) last year and it was a big hit. If you aren't gonna give out candy, at least give out something cool.
-aedile-
I, like Charlie, love my Good & Plenty(s). I also like Tootsie Rolls and the occasional circus peanut. You, sir, are a candy snob.
You really have to do more research before you post on behalf of the general public.
Good and Plenty's are frickin' awesome. I can't stand black licorice, but I love these. It's a weird thing.
The majority of people are in favor of these. They are good, and yet they don't rot the kid's teeth so the parents are happy too.
Don't you dare dis the original tootsie roll. So what if they go way back, they're still around aren't they? That means a lot of people like 'em. Why just this morning I was gnawing on one while getting ready for work. You ever throw one in the microwave (unwrapped of course) for 7 seconds and then eat it? You go try that and then come back and let us know how you feel. Saying that they're no good because they've been around awhile, is like saying your grandparents aren't any good. Is that what you're saying? Shame…
Double Bubble rocks! You get a huge wad of gum, versus a measly stick. You can make the biggest bubbles with it. This stuff will keep a kid entertained for hours, making the parents extremely happy.
Circus Peanuts – Have you ever even tried one of these? They aren't as popular as most candy, but they sure are good. I'd buy a Costco-sized crate of them if I could.
Here is what should have made the list:
Candy Corn
Necco Wafers (Used to be good, not so much and kids arent really interested. This is more of an older generation thing)
Those peanut-butter chocolate taffy like candies. Who does that!
I'm sure others can add a few more.
Tootsie Rolls are the Shit!
I think this article is hilarious. I have re-read three times and laughed my ass off!
I think the number 1 thing kids don't want to get trick or treating is and will always be "molested".
What? Tootsie rolls rule.
And where's candy corn on this alleged list?
What about candy corns? I used to hate those so much.
I love Good n' Plenty and Tootsie Rolls.
The real downers:
Candy Corn – Like school paste, only harder.
Circus Peanuts – Why not just give them Rice Cakes?
Necco Wafers – Who eats chalk in the age of whiteboards?
My personal distaste:
Kit-Kat – No sir, I didn't like it.
Hahaha, great article.
I'm 38 and I still think of all of these things that were handed to me on Halloween as a kid, and I remember every house in my home town that gave me this crap.
So funny to read an article about it, haha.
Forgot apples
You forgot crayons!
Yeah, I don't really know how tootsie rolls made the list. Most people like them. And the flavored ones are pretty nasty.
The rest of your list is pretty damn good. It was missing popcorn balls, apples and oranges.
I never understood people who pay for Good n' Penty's. You'd be better off giving rim-jobs, cause it would taste better, and someone would pay you.
Add "anything that isn't sealed with the ingredients clearly listed" on there. I've got food allergies so I always had to give away 2/3 of my candy.
You had me at Good 'n Plenty! That stuff used to make me gag and was the first thing to get tossed into the family communal bowl after trick or treating. Seriously, this list cracked me up all the way through! Very funny, so thanks for giving me a huge laugh. Happy Halloween. Hope your pillowcase is overflowing with your favorite treats!
Man there is nothing wrong with Tootsie Rolls they are the bomb.
MEAT HAND. this would be funny to give out at halloween……
http://www.supercoolbitchin.com/blog/Living-House…
I hate Bit-O-Honey
Wow. I got a "Spongebob Krabby Patty candy". Took a chew, and spit it into the trash. Would have strongly preferred a carrot, or anything else on this list.
i used to love those religious pamphlets they're actually pretty funny. i got one once when around 8 or so warning about the evil neighbors poisoning kids and putting razor blades in candy and me and my friends thought it was the silliest thing ever like do people believe whats in those??? and for the record i lost a filling eating jujubes and still love them all the same :) now those gross black and orange wrapped things, and mary janes and candy corn shoulda been on here….bleck!
I'm jonezing for flavoried tootsie rolls now.
It is pleasant right here. nice study. I've been looked the details for a while. thanks
At the present scenario, baby shower ceremony is very popular in nearly every European country and also in UK and US. Baby shower favors are some kind of gifts that reflects the cheerfulness that new parents feel. What kind of baby shower favors to make do you like?